ABORT ABORT!

I'm not talking about aborting a mission or anything, I'm just trying to be inconspicuous. I doubt it worked, if you really know me.

Or if you think I'm a heathen.

But yeah, I kind of hate it when I see bumper stickers on people's cars that are like "Choose life! Your mom did!" Yeah? Well who really wants to be like their Mothers? Hmmm? Not me! Fuck that! If you're going to say that, that makes me go "I'm going to abort every child I get impregnated with, because I don't want to be like my Mother. Up yours."

It doesn't work. At a glance, it does, but if you think about it, it doesn't. Or the ones with the supposedly "cute" babies on them that have something to do with being pro-life? I hate babies, so that is going to have the opposite effect that it's supposed to have on me. My brain will be going into kill mode. Next baby I see? Dead. 

Seriously, don't put bumper stickers on your car with your beliefs on them. Unless it's funny or neutral, or something about where your kid goes to school, then don't put it on your car. It's a good thing I can't drive, because I know I would have road rage. And it would be so much worse when I see your stupid pro-life stickers. You know what I'm going to do? Ram your fucking car. Put that shit on a sign in your garden. I'm not going to burn your house down, but I will ram your car. The "Coexist" ones are ok. The ones that are funny aren't just ok, they're bueno. But the political beliefs ones? It's a bad idea. You could get your car keyed, or rammed, or blown up. My sister's roommate is worried that her car is going to get keyed because she has a pro-choice bumper sticker on her car. I like her for this reason. Good choice in bumper stickers. Unfortunately, she's a feminist, and frankly, I believe in making the delicious bacon and turkey sandwiches for your husbands/boyfriends. I generally don't get along with feminists.
But she's cool.

It's seriously dangerous to do that, because not everyone is going to believe the same things you do. Like don't put political things on your car. And don't put religious things on your car. I'm infuriated by stupidity, so don't do that. It's stupid to advertise it so publicly.

Your car will get blown up.

The only antidote? A carstache.

Now your car is safe.